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hen I was in my teens, I figured I’d be married at least three times. My second marriage would be the passionate one through which I would become a better version of myself, and my third would be the one that stuck.

Numerous studies have shown that when it comes to online dating and even offline dating, race matters.By the time I was 30, after years of never sleeping with anyone for more than two months, much less actually dating them, I’d revised my prediction from three to zero. He stated up front that he wanted to get to know me better and asked me on a date.I’m not religious; I didn’t want kids; and I sure as hell didn’t want someone in my home that felt like they had any control over my decisions. In a society where people are “hanging out” and “chilling” and “hooking up” — meaning anything from a light kissing session to a night of full-blown sex — being direct was important..I’d met white men who wanted to demean and defile me, white men who wanted to dominate or be dominated by me, and white men who just wanted to check a Black woman off their sexual bucket list.Not to mention the ones who thought that being with me somehow made them “edgy” or proved they weren’t racist.